#i hate this. i hate not knowing if im under or overreacting

[aceys]

>.>

[psychoticfemmm]

flashpoint

pairing: rafe cameron x pogue!reader

summary: Rafe and the reader argue over a reckless stunt the reader pulled with the Pogues, escalating into a heated confrontation. The reader diffuses the tension in an unexpected way

The argument had escalated far more than you’d intended. Rafe stood in front of you, his jaw tight, eyes blazing with frustration.

“You’re unbelievable!” he snapped, pacing back and forth, his voice sharp with anger. “Do you even realize how reckless that was? Running around with them, pulling some stupid stunt like that? You could’ve gotten hurt—or worse!”

You sighed, crossing your arms. “They’re my friends, Rafe. You don’t get to tell me what I can and can’t do with them.”

“They’re Pogues!” he shot back, his tone dripping with disdain. “And they’re going to get you killed! You’re not—”

“I am a Pogue!” you interrupted, your voice rising. “And I’m not going to stop being one just because you don’t like it!”

“That’s not the point!” Rafe barked, his hands running through his hair in frustration. “The point is you’re putting yourself in danger for no reason!”

You rolled your eyes, even though deep down, you knew he was right. The stunt you’d pulled with the Pogues earlier—a daring boat jump into rocky waters—had been reckless. But admitting that to Rafe? Not happening.

“You’re overreacting,” you muttered, avoiding his glare.

“Overreacting?” He stepped closer, his blue eyes narrowing. “You were one wrong move away from cracking your head open, and you think I’m overreacting?”

You bit your lip, guilt settling in your chest. He wasn’t wrong, but you hated how smug he’d look if you admitted it. Instead, you crossed your arms tighter and met his glare with your own.

“Okay, fine! I get it!” you snapped. “You’ve made your point. Can you stop yelling now?”

But Rafe wasn’t done. “No, I’m not stopping, because clearly, you don’t get it. You can’t keep pulling this crap and expecting me to just—”

“Rafe,” you interrupted, your voice unusually sweet, but he was too wound up to notice.

“And another thing, you’re so—”

Before he could finish, you grabbed the hem of your top and yanked it up, exposing your bare chest.

The silence was immediate.

Rafe’s mouth opened, then closed. His eyes darted from your face to your chest and back again, his expression shifting from anger to shock, then to something far darker.

“You didn’t just—” he started, his voice lower now, almost husky.

“You were yelling,” you said simply, biting back a smirk.

For a moment, he stood there, clearly torn between finishing the argument and giving in to the temptation in front of him. Then, with a soft curse under his breath, he crossed the room in two long strides.

“You’re impossible,” he murmured, his hands sliding around your waist as he pulled you close.

“And yet, here you are,” you teased, your voice barely a whisper.

He smirked, his lips brushing against yours. “You think you can just flash me and win every argument?”

“Worked, didn’t it?” you shot back, grinning.

Rafe didn’t answer, not with words, anyway. His mouth claimed yours in a heated kiss, the frustration from before melting into something much more electric. His hands roamed your sides, his grip firm, his movements deliberate.

“You’re lucky you’re cute,” he murmured against your lips, his tone laced with amusement and desire.

“And you’re lucky I know how to shut you up,” you replied, your breath hitching as he trailed kisses down your neck.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

sorry I went missing for a while but im backkkk 𓈒ㅤׂ 𝜗𝜚

[f1boistrash]

i have a name | l.s

a/n: so this is an idea i had after the miami gp and its been stuck in my head so im finally writing it. there is some slight jos slander and reader is max's sister

summary: y/n verstappen drives for f1 academy. they find comfort in a certain american when the media gets too much

Your whole life you've always been Max's sister. You didn't hate your brother for it because it wasn't his fault. You hated the world for being so small minded. You hated your dad for not caring. His words stuck in your head like a broken record. 'You're overreacting Y/N. It's not a big deal. You need to grow up.'

But it was a big deal because why couldn't they be bothered to learn your name. Your accomplishments throughout your career always amounted to 'Max's sister' it was never 'Y/N Verstappen'. You were sure if they could your trophies would say that too.

Going into the F1 Academy you thought it'd be different. You were excited when you got the call. The first person you told was Max and he was even more excited than you, if that was even possible. You were at the forefront of the series, watching young girls across the world become interested in the sport you loved. Something you wished you had growing up.

The driving was great. The team was great. Everything was great except the media. Its the one thing you dreaded stepping into the spotlight more. You tried to develop a thick skin like your brother but it was difficult when you constantly got picked at.

"So, Y/N, great day today. You qualified third. How was it?" The interviewer asked.

"Yeah it was great. Obviously we'd prefer P1 but we're still happy with the result and looking forward to pushing it even more tomorrow." You replied, grinning at your result. It might not be front of the grid but you were still proud.

"Your brother Max had a phenomenal season last year. Can we expect the same this year?" And there it was. Your first interview of the weekend and it only took one question before they asked you about your brother. Normally you didn't mind talking about Max's accomplishments. You were so unbelievably proud of him. It's when they start talking about him when they should be asking you about your race and your season that you get annoyed.

You plastered on your fake smile, hoping no one saw the disappointment flash across your face. "It's hard to say what this year will bring but what I do know is that Max will give it his everything. Whatever happens though I'm still proud of him."

Before anymore questions about Max could be asked your manager made a sign that time was up. You thanked the interviewer and left the media pen. She gave you a run down of tomorrows schedule as you were now finished for the day. Your manager didn't need to ask if you were okay because she knew you weren't. Working with you for a few years meant she had learnt all your tells.

You thanked her for today before parting ways, leaving you alone. The night air was brisk but welcoming. You shut your eyes and sighed enjoying the silence. You were supposed to be meeting Max tonight yet you couldn't bring yourself to move. Not wanting to face him just yet.

It was late and you weren't expecting many people left at the grid. Especially the F1 drivers which was why you jumped when a voice broke the silence. "Y/N right?" Logan said, your stomach fluttered when you looked at him. You have never really spoken to Logan before, only seeing him in passing but you always thought he was cute. He also called you by your name and not 'Max's sister' which was a welcomed surprise, used to his friends calling you that. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

"It's fine, just wasn't expecting anyone to be left at the track." You told him. You took in his appearance under the setting sun. He was in his Williams uniform, his hair slightly tousled from wearing his hat all day.

"Yeah, I was just heading out. Had to do a few tweaks before tomorrow. What are you doing here late?" He asked.

"Media." You grimaced. Logan laughed, understanding your reaction.

"That bad huh?"

"Yep." You nodded. "Talked about Max the whole time."

The two of slowly started walking towards the car you have rented this weekend. It was one of the few left in the parking lot. "Seriously? That's so shit." Logan said, shaking his head. It wasn't out of pity though, more like anger.

"You get used to it." You shrugged.

"You shouldn't have to though." He told you, pulling you both to a stop. His eyes, looking at you intensely making you nervous. "You were incredible out there today and I'll definitely be watching tomorrow as you get your first podium of the season."

"Wait, you watched qualifying?" You asked, surprised.

"Don't tell my trainer though." Logan grinned, winking at you making you laugh. It was a sound he could get used to.

"Well thank you Logan. It means a lot." You thanked him, coming to a stop when you reached the drivers seat door.

"You have a name, Y/N. Your not just Max Verstappen's sister and I hope you know that." He said, earnestly.

You don't know what came over you but you found yourself leaning up, pressing a kiss on Logan's cheek. "Thank you."

-x-

"You're late." Was all Max said as you walked through your hotel room door. You kicked off your shoes, walking further into the room seeing your brother lying on your freshly made bed scrolling on his phone.

"Don't you have a sim race or something?" You asked, shoving his feet off your bed trying to change the subject because what else can you say? The reason you were late was the slight breakdown you had about the interview and then you bumped into Logan. You couldn't exactly tell Max that.

He playfully stuck his middle finger up at you, knowing you were making fun of him. "How was your day anyway? Excited for tomorrow?"

"Yeah it was good." You lied. You liked that Max was oblivious sometimes because it meant you didn't have to talk about what people said about you. However, you also hated his obliviousness because sometimes you wanted your brother to comfort you. "Hopefully people won't get sick of the Dutch national anthem." You grinned at Max who laughed loudly.

You asked Max about his day and he told you about how confident he was with this years car, excited to see what he can get out of it. He carried on talking as you got out of your team uniform and into some comfy clothes when he quietened down.

"When were you going to tell me?" Max asked when you exited the bathroom. "About what the interviewer said?"

"It's fine Max." You said, avoiding his gaze on you by putting your clothes away. You were afraid if you looked at him the dam would break.

"It's not fine, Y/N." He huffed, his voice raising out of anger. It wasn't aimed at you though, Max would never raise his voice at you. "It was so unprofessional. Not to mention the commentators today couldn't even be bothered to learn your name. I'm going to do something about it."

Max's reaction reminded you of Logan's. You didn't think anyone would care this much. Especially someone who you never really had a conversation with before. You knew it was pointless to ask Max to leave it alone so you didn't bother. "Just please don't do anything stupid."

"When have I ever done that?" Max asked and you laughed. You would run out of fingers if you counted all the times Max did something stupid.

It was getting late and you and Max said your goodbyes, leaving you alone once again with your thoughts. Instead of the video on repeat in your head it was Logan's words. You reached over for your phone and unlocked it, going straight to instagram to find Logan's profile. You hit follow before going to his dms.

Y/N:

Thank you again for tonight.

His response was quick making your stomach flutter.

Logan:

You don't need to keep thanking me Y/N

Y/N:

I know

I enjoyed talking to you tonight

So thank you for your company 😊

Logan:

I enjoyed talking to you too 😊

I hope we can do it again some time

You were sure you were grinning like an idiot but you didn't care. You had fallen for the American and hard.

Y/N:

I would love to ☺️

Good luck for tomorrow Logan 💙

Logan:

Good luck Y/N 😊

[levissslutt]

His brat

Warnings: just fluff ;) maybe a kith or two

"You can walk away from me all you want baby, but you only hurting yourself here." Jey yelled at you as you were walking away from him, after yet another fight. Everyone around the two of you aways laughed at yalls arguments because they said they were childish and could be talked out. Which was true. They often referred to y'all as 'the old marry couple.'

But tonight he'd taken it too far. He called you a brat.

You didn't care how silly it sounded or how pointless it was, but you really fucking hated being called that, well mostly because it was true. It wasn't your fault. You may be a grown ass women, but you were spoiled. You never had to lift a pretty little manicured finger for anything. A nepo baby if you will. However you absolutely hated when people called you that.

Just cause you came from some money meant nothing about your personality or your out look on life and so when someone called you a fucking brat, it made you snap. It wasn't fair, who was he to make fun of you.

"Stop walking away from, baby." You could clearly tell Jey was holding in a laugh. He honestly did not think you were serious until he saw your eyes get glossy. Oh she a brat for real, he thought .

You didn't stop. You stormed off hips swaying...towards his car.

He chuckled lightly as he watched your red sequence dress dance off the moonlight. Your hips moved in such rhythm and confidence he wondered, why the hell you chose to act the way you did.

You crossed your arms facing the passenger door, leaving enough space for him to open it for you once he reached it. "You really is something else lil mama, get yo ass in this car."

You were mumbling under your breathe, but hadn't stopped moving since he opened the door.

He rounded the vehicle, entering his own side. As he was fumbling with the radio he looked over at you. Arms still crossed looking out the window.

He let out a silent open mouth laugh. 'This girl is not for real yo.'

Sighing he said, "Im sorry baby, I shouldn't have called you that." He settled on apologizing, knowing you were too stubborn to let it go tonight. Your eyes flickered over to him, tears still pooled at the brim of your eyes.

"Come on baby stop crying, come here." He motioned for you to come to him.

"Im not crying Jey." You sniffled as a single tear fell.

He smirked, chuckling and shaking his head to himself, then wiping the loose tear.

"C'mere baby Im sorry f'real." You scooted into his lap, still pouting.

His hands rested on your thighs, silence easing the slight tension in the car. He nestled his nose against the side of your head as you leaned into his chest. "You gotta stop all that damn whining n shit ma."

Crossing your arms, you pouted again. "If you would stop being mean to me I wouldn't have a reason to, Im just a girl y'know."

He huffed through his nose, grinning into your hair. "You really are something the fuck else girl, you wanna chill in here for a bit?"

You wiped your face gathering your senses, huffing out a curt 'yes'.

He lightly peppered kisses on your temple, trying to soothe you, " ya knoww, if you relax for a bit I might can make you feel better."

Intrigued you lifted an eyebrow at him, as he was reaching into his armrest, pulling out a looseleaf pack. Your face lit up, but you turned quickly so he couldn't see.

He definitely saw that smirk already.

He only smiled pulling out the perfectly pearled blunts, lighting one and passing it to you. You inhaled, letting the smoke feel your chest, and then exhaling.

Your nerves where already at bay. You may had been overreacting to that silly little name he called you, but he knew better and that's what made you upset.

It was fine now because not only were you sitting perfectly on his lap, wriggling around, teasing him. You now had a blunt in hand and jimmy jams playing through the car. He watched you incredibly amused at your innocent attempt to turn him on. But oh how it was working.

Nonetheless he enjoyed the show.

A thought popped into your head, "Joshua."

He hummed at you, eyebrows raising as he took a pull from his own blunt.

"If you take me to get a slushy, I'll officially forgive you."

His chest rumbled behind you, "Yea baby?"

You nodded, turning to look right at him. "Im not a brat." Face serious, what made you look all the more adorable.

He kissed you, slowly, he pulled away just enough to see you before pecking another kiss to your lips.

"I know baby, now lets go get a slushy so yo ass can stop pouting."

And with that you slid off his lap and back into the passenger seat, taking another pull from the perfected blunt, he drove off and into the night to go get his brat a damn slushy.

[yeokii]

# arguments w enha hyung line !! — part two (maknae line ver)

₊﹒ wc! 0.9k

₊﹒warnings! fighting, angst

₊﹒note! ty to my dookie @redm4ri for helping me with the members (im crying) luv ya my dooks

# lee heeseung

"It's not what you think," Heeseung pleaded, irritation visible on his face.

In his head, he thought he was right. But, boy, was he off. Both you and he went to a gathering, but he had ignored you the entire day and spent time with his best friend. You trusted Heeseung with your entire heart, and seeing him do this broke your heart into little pieces.

"She came back from the states two days ago, yn," He tried to reason, "I haven't seen her in four years, for fuck's sake."

"That is no excuse for you to ignore me, Hee," you sternly said.

"God, yn! Why can't you get it in your fucking brain? She and I are fucking friends!" He scoffed, frustrated as he brushed his hair back with his hands.

"Do you think I'm stupid? She looked like she wanted to kiss you! Are you kidding me?" It was your turn to scoff.

The tension thickened as hateful words spewed from each side.

"God, yn, why are you overreacting?" He asked, annoyed. "Stop being a fucking child; she's like a sister to me."

"Do you realize she spent more time with me? Of course, I'd miss her."

"Alright, if you miss her that much, feel free to go to her. I don't give two fucks anymore." And with that, you took your jacket once again and left the apartment.

₊﹒other members under the cut !!

# park jongseong

11:34.

The clock read.

He wasn't home yet.

Your worry grew more with every minute passing. The fact that Jay wouldn't pick up the thousands of your calls. You were a nervous wreck. You couldn't sleep at all. He was never late.

The door opened, finally.

In came a tired jay, his eyes worn out and his hair all ruffled up, his tie loose.

He took one look at you and his eyes automatically rolled.

"What the fuck Jay?" You spoke.

"God, please." He said. "Not now, yn. Im too fucking tired to hear your lectures."

"Jay?" You were astonished by his behaviour. He never spoke like this which took you off guard.

"Why are you speaking like that to me?" You asked, your heart heavy. "I was so worried about you, I called you a hundred times."

"God, I just don't wanna deal with this right now. I had a long day at work. " He massaged his temples as he started to head for the bedroom.

"You could've told me you were coming late."

"Stop being a fucking baby and stop being clingy. I'm a grown ass man. Your not my fucking mother."

You had nothing left to say. You gave him a stern look as your worried expression vanished. You headed to the bedroom and slammed the door not wanting to hear anymore out of your so called boyfriend's mouth.

# sim jaeyun

"Baby, can you please tell me what's wrong?" Your boyfriend pleaded due to the silent treatment you were giving.

You ignored him as usual, continuing to do the dishes.

"I would know whats wrong if you would tell me about it." His eyes holding a desperate plea.

You looked at him with disbelief written all over your face.

"How could you forget Jake?" You asked him, your voice sounding like a slight whisper.

"What?" He uttered with confusion.

"I waited for you all day last night. How could you forget?" You held back tears that threatened to spill out of your eyes.

"Forget what baby?" His eyes searched for some sort of answer from your face.

"Our anniversary Jake."

His eyes widened, as a wave of shock washed over him.

"I'm so sorry baby, It must've slipped out of my mind I-"

"It was raining Jake. I couldn't go outside because it was raining. I had to sit there at our date waiting for you to come. I had to go back home in the rain, Jake." You let out a sob. The familiar emotion of humility emerging over you.

"Yn, I'll make it up to you. It's not a big deal."

"It is, you asshole." You looked at him, tears leaving your eyes nonstop and you left the kitchen.

# park sunghoon

"Hoon please stop." You let out a mutter to your boyfriend, slightly tugging onto his hoodie.

You both were out with your friends and you and Sunghoon were having a good time until him and your friends started joking a little too much about you that made you uncomfortable.

"What? We're just having fun." He shrugged it off, laughing.

"No Hoon. I don't feel comfortable." A rush of insecurity roamed through you.

You tugged onto Sunghoon more which showed a bit of irritation on his face.

"God yn, learn how to take a joke." He said, a frown showing on his face.

"Please, I don't like when you talk about me like that infront of my friends."

"It's just a joke, babe."

"It's not Hoon." You sternly said.

"God! Stop being a fucking baby!" He yelled at you infront of your friends.

"Oh my god! Did yn's boyfriend just yell at her? Yikes.." One of your friends told the girl next to her.

You looked around and then back at Sunghoon. Shame washed all over you. You felt so humiliated, tears started to fall out of your eyes. Everyone's eyes were on you. You felt so isolated and outnumbered.

"I'm leaving." You told Sunghoon and with that you left.

perm taglist!! @flwoie @zuyairus @bubblytaetae @yenqa @haknom

[dozzerxb]

im just ranting about the fandoms take on detey and how it has gotten to a point where its kind of sexist, so ignore this if u want (not hating on the ship, I love those two like I love my own mother)

I've seen that most of the new fandom has taken some stereotypical roles when shipping dogman and petey, making dogman this supper athletic, big and protective guy who is also freaky for some reason, and petey is a small petite man who is also very feminine and a malewife. tbh at first I didn't have an issue, but after some time I realized they're mostly reducing the characters to just that, forgetting their personalities on the comics AND movie

like yes, the movie makes dogman and petey look different from their original media which is the comics, making dogman look more freaky and petey more sassy, but the fact that the fandom is forgetting that they're both super smart and have their own issues going on makes me sad tbh

I know this kind of things will always be part of a fandom, but I just wish it wasn't so misogynistic sometimes. why does the skinny guy always have to be feminine guy? why can't dogman wear dresses and cute pink stuff? why the slightly bigger guy always have to be masculine and huge and not smart? isnt that dogman's whole thing? being super smart and having knight's body as a plus, making him the best cop? why does petey get reduced to be a sexy malewife? isn't he an inventor who likes to build robots for fun with his son? not that he can't be that way, but I find it kind of weird that it always has to be like that. plus the nsfw content is not making them any favors

it's like people refuse it to do it or SEE IT any other way. I understand headcanons, I believe petey is kind of feminine myself, but take it to the extreme where petey is nothing more than just an accessory to dogman instead of the genius he is? it's weird for me, sorry. and yes I've seen people portray him like that sadly

I'd like to see more media where petey is taken as the amazing inventor he is, where dogman also wears dresses and it's not bothered by being seen like that, where they both act like grown ups with a son instead of sex machines, where petey is taken seriously and not as a joke, where dogman is smart as he is in the movie and books and not some stupid guy without a clue of anything, where petey doesn't have to get PREGNANT all the time and he can just be himself (seriously, they have a clone machine after all. why does petey always have to be the one getting pregnant????), where dogman is not portrayed as a cheater because people like that for some reason, and if the fandom really likes that trope, then make petey a cheater too! equality is key!

maybe I'm looking too much into it, but it's kind of like the fandom is trying to make dogman into a manly man and make petey into a feminine woman in a SUPER misogynistic way, with the excuse that they're just gay so it's okay. gay people are more than just that, they're more than super feminine guys and clueless bears, it's basically an spectrum and taking those two as the only way a gay person can be portrayed it's awfully hurtful, because you're just making them that, a stereotype. it's the discussion of "who is the man in the relationship" all over again. there doesn't need to be a man! or maybe there can be two men who work equally!

maybe I'm just overreacting, maybe I'm just too asexual or maybe I'm just too woke, who knows, but I just needed to get this off my chest

if you read this far, thank you! I'd like to hear other opinions too so, maybe leave yours under this! I'll be glad to read it :)

[mangocurist]

hello oz mangocurist i have no idea what's happening on the realm can i ask what is the canon situation with zam's gender and relationships rn 🙏🙏

hi hello nitpick7!!!! yes of course you can ill do my best to sum stuff up ^_^

Okay. so. starting w gender stuff. zams gender is princezam tho afaik i believe cczam has referred to trzam with she/her multiple times and also said 'if pangi was straight hed be with me' so. take that as you will. now for relationships this will go under the cut LMAO cause its like gonna get long. most of these will b people from the sleepover but ill try and sum up as much as i can rmb!!!!

-> pilizam . oh my pilizam <3 okay so basically theyre 'teammates' in the lifesteal sense (theyre marriedI MEAN WHOSAID THAT) and they just had a boundaries discussion and they are STILL GOING STRONV I OVERREACTED THEYRE STILL TOGETHER HEALTHIEST COUPLE ON THIS SERVER EVERYBODY 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥💪💪💪💪 . zam respects pili/aces need to start chaos but she wants to try and choose a peaceful life which is vv similar to the devotions dynamic we had on s6 ^_^ also theyre coparenting peanut. neither of them will admit it but theyre coparenting him.

-> roszam is going pretty well rn!! ros very clearly adores zam and defends her esp when people are being rude and mean to her and zam does the same thing w ros (well, she moreso lifts ros up instead of threatening those against her which is rly fun because its like the demi goddess here isnt the one at someone elses throat LMAO) . they both have vv similar characters nd personalities nd theyre kinda enabling each other tho so who knows if thatll end w them clashing bc historically.... well we know what happened w aimros i think 😭😭😭. they r vv good at gettiing each other out of their bad headspaces tho which inthink is super sweet ^_^

-> empire duo is. rocky situation i think bc pangi trusts her a Lot a lot but zam is sad about it because hes lost the memories of how she is on tr, and shes also unsure of whether or not she can take on the duty of being the person that pangi trusts the most on tr because before pangi used to trust the other realm members much more than her, but now shes his one rock . also vv awkward because while she sees ls as her home still she dislikes her past while their past is the only thing pangi has to hold on to now

-> lukey. uh. she sees him as a hamster (i think in and out of character) she wants to take care of LMFAOOOOO idk what else to add here hahaha. she hated him before bec of his relationship w pangi but she likes him a lot better now! and shes told him shed like to keep him safe so. (also she was upset when she saw his death msg even tho it wss a prank LMAO) sooooooo maybe if we play our cards right we get zamkey... (<- no one else wants this but me)

-> aimsey! she doesnt interact much w him in lore so i cant say what exactly their relationship is but theyre def friends ooc at least and that totally bleeds into whatever rp they do ^_^

-> watermunch. Uhh. erm. well she likes water, she doesnt get why trwater hates her (i think its the trwater sees her as a Big bad Evil Knight out to get her or something . sorry if i sound salty i dislike trwater a Lot. You can be a hater just not toward my princess :/) and shes trying her best to get thru to water ^_^ unstoppable force vs immovable object ong

-> zam nd bad .... idk if she even sees him as her evil stepmother anymore if im being Tbh. shes gotten a lot more sympathetic to him after seeing his alcohol problem and shes overall much softer w him ^_^ it could also be a nirvana thing since she did say she feels like nirvana changed her

-> foolish has been absent for a week but she v clearly still looks up to him, as well as sneeg who she compares herself to a lot which makes sense bc theyre both her mentor/father figures ^_^ she has a very cute little princess daughter w gay dads relationship w phil and sneeg and theyre so fun together i miss them sm

-> clown, ash and derap (all the other lstealers besides pangi basically)- she cares for them a lot and brings them up often, and shes currently grindjng gear sets for ash! whenever one of them logs in 9/10 times they all talk to her when they see her online / will even log on for her (see: clown a few days ago) but its mostly all ooc, in lore ash is a little sus of her faction and thus her by association, clown knighted her and is otherwise absentee and derap is grinding by himself LMFAO. and kyleeff is. kyleeff. no in character interactions but ooc theyre v friendly ^_^

overall zams very kind to literally everyone because shes kinda going for the path of peace and pacifism but i cant say how anyone else feels about her because for some reason people on this fucking server just HATE joyand whimsy

[gilbertsdumbblog]

Milocraft be like

Also requesting lore for this AU because HELLO HI I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR MORE-

-Romeo voice- dude like i get that you went through some shit but you've been killing the vibes here like crazy

this is gonna be a LONG read under the readmore because this au is several years old and has numerous arcs. hence why im fairly certain im never actually gonna write this au out properly lmaaaoOOOOO-

Warning for mentions/depictions of death, mutilation, and severe mental illness (the kind that makes people lash out in fear)

A handful of quick notes:

Milo is being written as a transman who has autism. Him being trans isn't super relevant most of the time, but him having autism leads him do shit such as 'elopement', which is when someone who has autism just. Wanders off because they don't like where they are currently, or see something that interests them. Source, I have autism and do this dangerously often. It also leads him to seemingly overreact to certain things, such as people touching him or people lying to him. (He takes being lied to EXTREMELY personally.)

I've also written out names + personalities for all 12 Jesse variants. Six of them don't rlly appear in the au because my god i don't need to juggle more characters, but the ones that do appear are as follows;

Jekyll (white shirt + blue suspenders), previously Jesse before adopting Jekyll as a nickname during the Witherstorm arc to differentiate himself from Jessie. This is the 'primary' Jesse, having blown up the Witherstorm, found the flint + steel that starts the portal arc, and being present for most of season 2. He is friends with Olivia, Axel, and two other Jesses. Julep (teal shirt/tan overalls + red clip), is a mute and highly protective Jesse. She is the instigator of the events of Season 2, and is present for the entirety of the portal arc as well. Also friends with Olivia and Axel. Maisy (lavender shirt/blue overalls + pink clip), is the architect of their little friend group. Present for season 1 and 2, but takes a backseat to the action most of the time. Not keen on adventuring; We won't see them as much. Also friends with Olivia and Axel.

Jessie (red shirt/blue overalls + yellow clip), is an amateur adventurer who is an adoptive twin to James. She is part of the Ocelots, and at the start of season 1 she is openly antagonistic towards Jekyll and his friends in a fashion similar to Aiden. Over the course of season 1 she mellows out significantly. Present for the portal arc, but not most of season 2. (She's the one to knock Aiden off of Sky City.) James (White shirt + red suspenders), is a self-admitted coward who mostly hangs out with the Ocelots because his 'twin' sister hangs out with them. Sometimes helps with their builds. Would never join in on the teasing Jessie and Aiden did, but never stopped them or said anything either. Absent for the portal arc and season 2; He hates being involved in dangerous stuff like that.

Jay (Black shirt + green suspenders), is the only other 'main' Jesse we see who isn't really part of a pre-existing group. Similarly to Petra at the start of season 1, he's a lone-wolf type who ends up joining the group purely by happenstance after barreling through the nether portal in episode 1 right after Ivor. Might have psychic powers, but he pretends he can't hear you if you ask. Present for large sections of season 2, but not the portal arc.

So if you see any of these names crop up, just know they're versions of Jesse, not OCs. (I mean, what's really separating them from being ocs at this point though? whatever)

So to boil it down to its VERY bare basics or else I'll be here typing all afternoon, the au essentially revolves around Milo ditching Sky City immediately after the events of 'Order Up!' to travel with Jekyll's group and learn to be an adventurer. It takes a lot of convincing, but Jekyll and a few others in the group agree to let Milo tag along because, at the time, they assumed they'd be going straight back home after going through the Sky City portal.

So imagine their shock when they step into the portal hallway, and it dawns on them that not only do they have to track down their home portal? They've gotta babysit Milo and keep him from dying now. Milo being present for the portal arc makes things EXTREMELY complicated in spots, especially the Crown Mesa portal. It's also worth noting, if i ever write this out, Milo and Co. do NOT end up in the Murder Mansion portal first. Because I don't think Milo's first experience outside of Sky City should be witnessing several people get murdered. (We're not trying to traumatize him THAT badly THIS early on)

Speaking of the Murder Mansion, while Milo is there, he tries to distract himself from the anxiety of his situation by fixating on Cassie and her cat Winslow. (He learned about cats from Lukas, and got SUPER fixated on adopting one at some point) Fun fact, Cassie and Isa used to know each other! And they did NOT leave off on good terms, so when Milo makes the mistake of off-handedly mentioning Sky City, and then Isa, Cassidy becomes fixated on murdering his ass. He MUST have the fucking flint and steel.

(This image is from Milo's perspective right after Sparklez dies.)

Looney-Toons ass-logic keeps Milo from getting killed during the Murder Mansion portal. Straight up slapstick type garbage, he literally hits the White Pumpkin in the face by swinging a door too quickly at one point. Cassie gets away before he can even process what happened. Anyways, I'm focusing on this portal because it establishes a very BAD dynamic between Cassie and Milo that WILL come back to bite him in the ass later. Specifically, he ends up in the basement with Jessie and Stampy, and instead of Jessie catching fish to distract the cats, Milo ends up catching the fish. Jessie stops him before he can feed any fish to the cats, because 'We are NOT dragging a cat along with us too!'

Anyways at the very end of the episode, you know Winslow?

He doesn't have a collar. Cassie never properly tamed him.

You know who has fish in his inventory and loves cats? Milo. He ends up taming Winslow RIGHT in front of Cassie while she's stuck in the Silverfish pit. This only makes her even more furious at his existence as you can imagine.

There's more I could go into about the portal arc, but there's a LOT to go over so that might end up being a separate post. (Might just do separate posts for each arc in general? Idk, something to think about)

After the portal arc wraps up and everyone successfully gets back to their original Portal, there's a small timeskip between the end of that arc and the start of the second arc to let Milo establish a house for himself. (Snowy Taiga is the biome he lives in :3)

Milo isn't present for the events of season 2 for a variety of reasons, but the main one being that I want him to confront his issues with Isa. Because fun fact, when Milo left Sky City to join Jekyll and his group? He didn't warn anybody he was leaving. So when he's in Beacontown for a series of errands, imagine his surprise when he runs into ISA AND REGINALD of all people????

From the perspective of everyone in Sky City, they were pretty sure Milo had DIED. That at some point he'd gotten picked off by a monster while people were still trying to establish the new city. So Isa is both relieved to see he's alive, but also PISSED because where the FUCK DID YOU GO?! And Milo's just sitting there like

Arc two is essentially establishing that Milo and Isa used to be really good friends, and that something happened that divided them even before the events of Order Up. This arc is meant to lay the foundation for Milo and Isa actually making up, while also giving several sequences of flashbacks to give insight to Milo and how he grew up in Sky City, and how those experiences affect how he behaves today.

(No, him getting thrown in jail over the dirt is not why they fell out.)

Initially she was planning to just visit temporarily, but now that she knows Milo is alive and living in this portal, she decides to start badgering Milo about where he's settled down at and whether or not she's allowed to visit. Reggie is mostly just quiet, but he's super curious about where Milo disappeared to as well and lowkey kinda worried he's gonna vanish again. Milo is annoyed by Isa's pestering, and this eventually leads to friction between the two that steadily gets worse the longer Isa sticks around questioning Milo about where he went and what he did.

Eventually, this culminates in a screaming match between the two of them after two-ish weeks of this standoff has passed and Milo has become fed up with the questioning. More importantly, he's fed up that Isa is demanding answers when, from his perspective, she LIED to him for years about the nature of Sky City. And she certainly had to have lied about her history; Because he brings up Cassie by name, which Isa has no rebuttal for because, "You... Met Cassie Rose? How??"

Isa is equally fed up, however, because she spent the better part of a year thinking her brother friend had died, only to find out he'd actually fucked off without even saying goodbye to her first. Reginald is also slightly hurt, less so by Milo not saying goodbye and moreso because he'd spent that whole time thinking his crush was dead. He does agree it was kinda shitty of Milo to leave without saying goodbye to literally anyone.

Unfortunately they don't get to resolve their argument because in the middle of it, that's when Romeo decides he's going to start covering this 'world' with bedrock. It's kind of hard to keep arguing about who's right and who's wrong when the sky is suddenly turning black. Milo, in typical Milo fashion, decides to FUCK off immediately without resolving the argument by getting his horse (he adopts a horse after moving, her name is Beruca) and riding off towards Beacontown because Jekyll PROBABLY knows whats going on, and it seems like the bedrock is converging towards that point anyways so???? Beacontown we go.

Milo is about a day away from Beacontown on horseback, so by the time he gets there the 'bedrocking' has ceased and. Uhm. Beacontown looks different than I remember. Hey where did Champion City go?

He gets to the main hall area to hear numerous Jesses and several other people all screaming and arguing about someone named 'Romeo', and what to do about him. By the time Milo wanders to where everybody is arguing at, it's mostly Jack, Petra, Xara, and Jekyll all screaming at each other about how to handle the... 'Admin'.

Milo's never heard of an 'admin' before.

It takes several moments before someone points out that Milo is kinda just. standing in the doorway. Super lost. After asking about the whole 'bedrock' thing, Champion City, and Beacontown's changes, he learns about everything he missed while he and Isa were too busy being angry at each other.

Eventually, this culminates in Milo being extremely interested in meeting Romeo. He just wants to chat, for a little bit! Get to know the guy a bit? He sounds... Lonely.

Xara and several others are against this, but after being convinced by Julep and Petra that it'd be safe (I mean, what is Romeo going to do against Milo? Attack him? Yeah, he'd get an axe to the face.) and there isn't any real harm in just talking, they reluctantly agree to let Milo and Romeo talk. After being led to the 'prison cell' (Its just a bedroom he cant leave) Romeo is staying in, at first Romeo wants NOTHING to do with Milo and actively insults him for trying to chat with, 'Someone as renowned and revered as myself!'

To Milo's credit, he takes this on this chin rather well, because he can tell that Romeo just REEKS of insecurity after being stripped of his powers, and he's being defensive because he doesn't want to be coddled. With some gentle prying and Milo sharing details of his life, Romeo finally starts talking with him slowly.

After some stilted back-and-forth, Romeo agrees to let Milo visit tomorrow to talk again. Milo is thrilled about this. Over the course of the next few days, they meet up daily to chat about their lives, with Milo always arriving with ingredients of some kind to show Romeo how to make certain foods. Eventually, Romeo asks Milo why he's being so helpful to him, and especially so tolerant of how 'useless' he is with how to craft and the likes.

And Milo tells him about Sky City. And the portal arc, in which Milo was an active hindrance at times due to his inexperience. In short, he understands what it feels like to be 'useless' when you're surrounded by people who move and behave as naturals in combat, crafting, building, and adventuring. He knows the feeling of being a 'burden' is rough, and he wants to extend a helping hand to Romeo because he won't hold any of his shortcomings against him. Especially since he didn't know Romeo previously as an admin; Milo has no biases against Romeo.

After a lot of back and forth regarding this, eventually Milo and Romeo decide to ask Jekyll if it'd be possible for Milo to. Like. Have Romeo move in with him?

Milo lives in the middle of nowhere, so they wouldn't have to worry about people being set off by Romeo, and since Milo has no prior negative experience with the ex-admin, he's not going to judge his progress as harshly as everyone else in the group would.

It takes a lot of convincing before they agree to let Romeo move in with Milo, with the agreement being that if Romeo gets out of line that he'll get his ass sent below the bedrock. They both agree, though Milo is far more optimistic about this arrangement than Romeo is; He mostly just doesn't want to go back to the Sunshine Institute now that he has no power. And, hey, Milo's chill, so that's a bonus.

Arc three is basically establishing the actual 'group' Milo's in; Himself, Isa, Reginald, and Romeo.

Because he ditched Isa and Reginald at his house when he ran off to Beacontown. He may or may not have forgotten they were there, and they are EXTREMELY confused when he returns like a week and a half later and there's a DUDE with him.

This arc also focuses on starting character development for Romeo and Isa, moreso for Romeo, and how he slowly. painfully. tries to become a 'better' person.

Not nicer, he just stops being a power-tripping shithead eventually.

This is also when Isa and Milo ACTUALLY start resolving the problems between the two of them and start to become friends again. And of course, Reginald and Milo start getting closer over the course of the arc, though they don't get together until towards the end of arc three.

Speaking of the end of arc three, remember Cassie? Yeah, payback's a bitch. At the end of season 2, if Jesse chooses to stay behind in Beacontown, one of the two letters they get is from 'WP' saying to 'Watch out!'. While Milo is making up with Isa, getting together with Reggie, and trying to make Romeo less of a shithead, Cassie has taken over a woodland mansion, setting it up as a new murder mansion in their dimension with everybody else none the wiser.

Not until James goes up and missing, with a ransom note left behind with a series of maps leading Jessie to where her brother is. After catching word of James going missing, Milo and his group head over to Beacontown to ask Jekyll, Jessie, and Julep what the hell is going on, only to learn that he was evidently kidnapped. Fearing that they were likely walking into an ambush, a large rescue party is formed to head to where the maps lead them, with Milo immediately inserting himself into the group to help.

Petra thinks about stopping him, but doesn't. She's going to regret that later :3

It takes several days of travel before the rescue party gets out there, consisting of Julep, Jessie, Petra, Jay, Lukas, Axel, Olivia, Jekyll, and Milo. Maisy stays behind to keep an eye on Beacontown while everybody else is gone.

When they roll up to the mansion, its pretty clear that they're probably walking into an ambush or trap of some kind; The front door is set up like this for god's sake, with obsidian surrounding the whole door frame.

What they aren't initially aware of is that the walls of the mansion are three blocks thick. Two layers of dark oak, with obsidian between; To prevent them from brute-forcing their way out once inside. (Not that any of them really brought pickaxes)

It takes a bit of wandering through the mansion halls before they finally end up in a dining room-type area, in which after everyone in the group wanders in past the door frame, the walls slam shut behind them and Cassie reveals herself. Kinda. She White Pumpkins the place like what happens in her episode right after Sparklez dies

With a pre-recorded message letting everyone know what deep shit they're in, and that she's not letting Jekyll and his friends get away this time. Needless to say, everyone sorta shits a brick collectively as they realize its Cassie behind all this.

The group tries to stay together as they traverse the mansion, but eventually, the group slowly gets split and divided; First Lukas, Julep, and Axel get split from the group by a moving wall in a hallway, then Olivia, Jekyll, and Jay get split from Milo, Jessie, and Petra.

As Milo, Jessie, and Petra explore and attempt to join back up with the others, they eventually stumble into one of the rooms that Cassie had modified; Though she hasn't completely cleared it.

Milo sees a chest on the 'loft' section of this room, and like the thieving goblin he is, IMMEDIATELY runs up to begin looting it. While it's mostly just random building supplies left behind by Cassie, interestingly, he finds a very special item inside; A totem of undying.

Not that Milo knows what he's looking at, he just thinks its a neat statue and shoves it in his back pocket without thinking twice.

He starts to descend the ladder from the loft to rejoin Jessie and Petra, and show them the weird gold statue thing he found, when the block right beneath the ladder suddenly is shifted by a piston. And Milo gets dropped into a basement type area. Alone.

Petrified and knowing that he's a sitting duck like this, he immediately begins walking with his back literally pressed up against a wall every chance he gets, clutching an iron axe and trying VERY hard to be brave and not cry. He's DEFINITELY not going to cry OKAY

eventually, Cassie realizes that Milo got completely separated and IMMEDIATELY goes hunting for him in the basement area, eventually cornering him in a brewing-type room. At first he's able to fight back a bit and stay on his toes, but Cassie isn't here to play fair; She ends up grabbing a random potion of water from one of the brewing stands after staggering him and hurls it as hard as she physically can into the side of his head.

Negative effect or not, having a glass bottle break on the side of your head uuuuh fuckin hurts! Source; i dont wanna talk about it.

Milo isn't given any time to recover before Cassie knocks him flat on his back and kicks his only means of defense away, leaving Milo completely at her mercy. He's starting to regret coming along now.

Before he can ask her why the hell she's even pursuing them still, Cassie decides to make this entire encounter personal. She doesn't immediately kill Milo; Instead, she decides she's gonna make him suffer first after ditching her in the silverfish pit, AFTER STEALING HER FUCKING CAT FROM HER!!!!!

To keep the gory details brief; Milo first gets his face bashed NUMEROUS times against the floor of the basement, breaking his nose and leaving him too dazed to retaliate, his left eye gets gouged out by a pair of shears, and then his right arm gets chopped off with an axe. After all of that, Milo is basically catatonic and is abandoned to bleed out in the basement.

And he does. He gets to feel every second of agonizing pain before he slowly fades out as he loses more and more blood.

And then abruptly, he comes back. In a nauseating rush of energy and sudden health, the totem of undying he'd shoved in his pocket brought him back from death. And in the following moments as he recovers and feels all the agonizing pain from before come back, he promptly throws up and starts sobbing.

It takes awhile for the scattered group to reconnect throughout the mansion; Cassie wasn't able to separate anybody else, except Jay, but he was far too paranoid (and... Maybe a psychic) and she wasn't able to get the drop on him like she did Milo. That's not to say Milo's the only one leaving injured, and it's certainly not a happy ending either way.

By the time Petra and the others rediscover Milo, he's gone entirely nonverbal and will not stop shaking. The remaining eye has a dead, thousand-yard stare. And he rejoins the group, just to learn... That James is dead.

He was likely dead long before they'd gotten there. He was bait, just to bring everybody else in.

Nobody leaves the mansion happy. James is dead, pretty much everyone is injured, Cassie didn't get to kill anyone in the group, and Milo...

Well, he's not doing so great.

The end of arc three is Milo and the others returning to Beacontown, and Isa, Reginald, and Romeo learning about what the hell happened.

Arc four is the final arc, and its where things get really messy.

This is a 'recovery' arc. Milo's personality has changed, drastically, as a result of the trauma he went through. His paranoia is through the roof, he's terrified to leave his bedroom, and he refuses to look himself in the mirror. Reginald is obviously worried sick, and does a lot to make sure Milo is still eating at the very least while he's holed up in his room, but Romeo and Isa aren't exactly sure how to help at first.

Isa does her best to bring food as well sometimes to Milo, as well as books for him to read so he's not just... Sleeping, or having a panic attack. Romeo, however, has a different approach; Let's go find some sheep for him to pet! After getting a pen set up and tracking down some sheep to lead back to the house, Milo is at first pretty excited about the new animals at the house.

Plus, they're dual purpose; We can shear them and get wool, which is pretty helpful! And without knowing what Milo had gone through, Romeo accidentally approaches Milo from his blindside offering him a pair of shears.

All Milo sees is red hair and the shears before he flips the fuck out. In a panicked state, he ends up attacking Romeo in what he believes to be self defense, giving him a black eye in the process before Isa and Reginald realize whats going on and physically grab Milo to pull him away from Romeo.

Needless to say, things are... Tense after that.

Romeo isn't mad, per say, but he's definitely upset. And seeing as Isa seems to know Cassie, he eventually decides to ask her about what Cassie Rose was like, and if there's a reason why Milo freaked out on him specifically. After talking back and forth for a little bit, it takes awhile before Isa realizes that part of the reason Milo might've freaked out is because he had red hair similar to Cassie.

Romeo takes this. Personally.

Isa also takes this. Personally.

Neither of them are happy about Cassie Rose, and the fact that she's still at large somewhere out there.

Meanwhile, Reginald is worried sick about his boyfriend and how he's adjusting to having lost not only one of his eyes, but his dominant arm as well.

Normally, when Milo was particularly stressed or upset about something, he'd write about it in a personal journal in order to let him lay his thoughts out and mull over what it is exactly that made him agitated in the first place. But now, without his dominant arm to write?

It's all chicken scratch. It infuriates him all the little things he can't do anymore.

It eventually gets to a point where, for lack of other options, Isa and Reginald decide to get into contact with Jack. At the very least, they're hoping he can help Milo to get used to having one eye, but he's going to have to adjust to having one less arm on his own unfortunately. Milo is extremely reluctant to leave the house at first, but eventually relents when Reginald agrees to stay with Milo the entire time he's in Beacontown.

The whole group heads off and to Beacontown, meeting up with Jack and Nurm and, after a brief explanation of the situation, Jack agrees to not only help Milo adjust to having one arm, but also offers to help Milo train his arm up to be stronger. After all, if you've only got the one arm to work with now, you'd want it to be strong enough to help carry or move things.

Meanwhile, Isa and Romeo have. Other plans. They meet up with Petra and Jay after encountering them in Beacontown, and after talking for awhile about Milo training with Jack and the whole situation surrounding that... It becomes pretty clear that Isa wants to hunt Cassie down and put a stop to her violence.

Namely, by killing her.

Jay isn't keen on trying to kill anybody, but agrees that it's probably the best course of action given she'd deliberately gone out of her way to come back and try to get them all killed, and ends up loaning potions and some enchanted weapons to Isa, Petra, and Romeo before they head off to search for Cassie. Before they leave, they tell Reggie and Milo that they're simply, 'Going on an adventure, to explore the overworld while Milo recovers'. He's sad and anxious that Romeo and Isa are going to be leaving for awhile, but doesn't voice any objections.

So while Petra, Isa, and Romeo are off hunting for Cassie, Milo and Reginald spend a decent chunk of time in Beacontown helping Milo adjust to his new disabilities. Over the course of Milo slowly regaining his strength and learning to work around the one arm and eye, he slowly starts to open back up and bits of his old personality come back in pieces.

After about a month or so, Reggie and Milo decide to head back to their house so Milo can stop being paranoid about everyone around them, and eventually, Isa and Romeo come back too. Don't ask where we've been.

The ending to this au isn't super concrete; I've never rlly been able to settle on anything I like past the point of Milo sorta-recovering and Isa + Romeo killing Cassie and coming back. I toyed with the idea of a polycule between Reggie, Milo, and Romeo, though I'm not wholly commited. (It is a very funny idea though)

I also thought about Milo being taken back to visit Sky City after all this time, though I'm not exactly sure what would happen from there.

Anyways uh insanity -throws confetti- i dont know how many words i typed but i hope you enjoy reading all of THIS mess

[rosesradio]

I feel like rick and the fandom does not take mental abuse seriously as much as physical abuse. Like ok gabe is held accountable and even killed for being abusive but why does rick forgive frederick and his wife for neglecting annabeth ? Bitch that Cinderella stepmom fraud let Annabeth almost become a spider nest ! Also some fans say that it was annabeth being 7 and prideful that made her believe her father didn't love her like what. Im sorry but if a child as young as seven leaves home willingly the adult was the problem and again annabeth was getting attacked by spiders and the parents did nothing ! Like honestly staying could have killed her.

oh yeah all of this. i feel like a lot of the time when a child gets in an argument with their parent they’ll “run away” for like an hour but then come home when they’re hungry (this still isn’t that healthy, you should have quiet time to yourself and then talk it out, but yk it happens). but yeah for annabeth to be on the run/live at camp for 5 years…it’s not just an overreaction. like yes it was cool for her dad to help save her in ttc and for them to reconnect, though it doesn’t warrant pushing his & his wife’s treatment of her under the rug. i feel like rick also did that in the narrative via the timing of percy meeting them when they were at the point of wanting to mend their relationship too.

the whole percy’s pov of “how could annabeth hate her stepmom?? she’s nice To Me and gave me cookies” kinda kills me too. because you’re probably a stone’s throw away from a person whose family is Just The Sweetest when hosting, though you don’t know what they’ve been like in the past/how they treat so & so, etc.

[schizosupport]

Not asking for medical advice, just commiseration really I guess? Yesterday I came out of my 4th ever psychiatrist appointment having been taken off my meds (which I did ask for) and then summarily dismissed because he'd decided, since our last appointment was in february, that everything I'd experienced was not persistent/consistent and therefore not worth digging into or attempting further diagnosis. He didn't ask me any questions about any of my delusions or psychotic episodes before coming to that conclusion and referring to everything in the past tense, and i even brought up that me and my psychologist, who I employ privately, have been going through the ease scale and I flag up sooooo maaaaany red flags for disorganised thought relating specifically to the prodrome of schizophrenia, and I'm finding it so hard to even think in a straight line, could you please ask me more questions interview-style so we can dig more into it because it's not past tense but I don't know what to tell you about because its getting harder and harder to tell what's normal and what's just normal for me. And he just didn't want to know. I said I really really need some kind of psychotic feature on my notes because every time I go into a+e actively having an episode, I get bounced because they think im overreacting or just having "emotional dysregulation" because during covid an unqualified physician put "borderline traits" on my sheet and now that's all anyone ever looks at, despite it being inaccurate. And he got very frustrated with me for insisting because he considers his office to be totally separate from all the other hospital features, which I get, but why not do me a bloody favour and just make it that much easier to get proper care when I need it? But he doesn't think I have been having psychotic episodes, I think because I was calm and collected in the appt rather than dishevelled and visibly frightened. He considers everything to fall under obsessions and excessive rumination when it's just not the case. I feel so immensely let down and scared for the future. I'm really worried about whatll happen if I get really bad again. I've lost my job again because I was so paranoid and afraid I just stopped going in, and he doesn't consider that fear or paranoia to be disabling enough to even call out of his office and get support for a fit note so I can stay out of work. I hate hate hate the country I live in.

Man, I'm so sorry you were dismissed like that, especially when it has material bad consequences for you, like not getting the right care in other sectors. I despise when psychiatrista refuse to accept that their diagnoses or lack thereof inevitably WILL have consequences on people's lives outside their office.

Also the idea that one can accurately assess anyone without following some kind of semi structured interview to avoid interviewer bias is so arrogant. He's not special. That's not a recommendation because other psychs just suck and can't be "objective like him"... How frustrating. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

[okidenshi]

Frankly I’m not putting this under a cut cause I’m just gonna be honest about a very terrible, long lived experience i had/still occasionally deal with and what the aftermath has been like.

If discussion or descriptions about like…. torturous unrelenting pain is triggering to you then maybe skip this one pals.

I was in excruciating pain for so, so long. Non stop for months i would cry myself to sleep like not silent crying but like full on whailing and screaming and slamming my body against the bed to try and pass out because i was in so much pain. I did that all right as i moved out on my own for the first time with no adult or family readily available to me. I started my dream job and cried for two hours before starting my first day at the office because it was so painful. I then went on to cryseveral times throughout everyday for at least the first six months of my diagnosis. I mainly went into the office to work bc being home alone was terrible, all i coul do was cry and scream. When I finally got to see specialist doctors about treatment, a nurse of 30 years in practice had never heard of my diagnosis because it was so incredibly rare. So rare and understudied that there is, essentially, no exact cure, no known reas or cause for it happening. Thankfully PFPT has helped me get to a much more stable place but I’m. I’m forever altered and scarred by that pain. I wanted to die not because i was depressed or hated my life in any way, i just was in that much pain. There was absolutely nothing I did or could do that could take my mind off how much constant pain i was in. It was unending, literally i felt like i was in actual real capital H Hell. I’d never wish that pain on anyone ever ever not alive or dead.

No i will not nor probably ever state what my diagnosis is, trust me it is just one if those things you’re better off not even knowing about. But it was absolutely life shattering.

Why am I writing this… honestly It’s because when I talk about how absolutely horrific and deeply traumatizing 2023/24 was for me, it feels like maybe people think im overreacting or just don’t know what to say.

Guys. Guys. Mother, father, god if you’re out there… that was Hell i went through. No, not the kind of hell you’re thinking of. Actual, fiery, splintering, torturous Hell. The kind of Hell I need to just retire from. I’m done. I’m out, I’ve played the game, and I’m out of goddamn health points. I seriously can’t do it. No, I’m not depressed, it’s not anxiety, fuck it’s not even about the autism- I went through actual torture. Bitch I honestly cannot properly heal from that life experience without a long, long time of emotional and mental

No fucking idea how i would go about receiving that care let alone paying for it. But i just need to say out loud that that is what kind of care i need and its not up for disbute. I’m not here to defend myself, I’m telling it as it is, and even if its not care I’ll ever receive, knowing that is the level of care i need is what will help me from shaming myself into oblivion.

I deserve kindness goddamnit. There were many who were kind, and goddamn the few that weren’t, you are the only ons id wish for only just a day of the pain i endured so you understand how absolutely crazy insane and horrific living my life that way for over a year was. I hope you never understand the level of insanity i felt for so long, truly.

Anyway. Girls i do not care no more. I deserve the world and I’m tired if being afraid to say it. I did no survive that Hell to feel like I didn’t.

Also honestly gentle reminder you have no idea what someone is going through. How much pain they are suffering. Some of us are really, really good at hiding it.

[bonesanaall]

i feel so frustrated and upset because there’s nothing in my house to eat and the rest of my family ordered takeout from a place that they know i hate and they also know i can’t stand the smells and now i can’t leave my room because my house stinks like fish and i have really bad sensory issues. ik this is a good thing because i’ve only eaten 410 calories today and for the first time in two weeks ill be under my limit but my stomach has expanded so much from me eating normally and im so hungry and overstimulated right now and like why couldn’t they have just made this one thing easier for me :/. but ik im being selfish and if i overreact ill regret it so whatever. im trying so hard to prevent myself from walking into the kitchen tonight because ill end up binging on the grossest most unsatisfying things like chocolate chips or corn chips or zero sugar whipped cream, all of which i HATE eating but i still binge on for some reason. but im really hungry and im already unable to sleep at night and tomorrow im going to wake up in a bad mood and it’ll be even worse. like why can’t things just go fucking right why can’t i be naturally skinny and pretty and not an evil nasty bitch when i’m hungry. why can’t i have an actual social life and obligations to distract me instead of being a reclusive autistic loser who doesn’t go outside and lives in a disgusting hot dark room because every common room in my house is incredibly physically uncomfortable and also makes me feel like a fucking zoo animal

[regulusstarz]

Luciane!! I love her! best girl behavior

Interested (if you're willing) in hearing more about the family dynamic pre and post-marigold? any type of bond with shiloh?

(Sorry im on anon i get nervous 😔)

Don't worry, i can understand being nervous!! I deeply appreciate the ask anyways <3

I don't quite know about pre-Marigold because I'd basically just be talking about her childhood. BUT i can tell you: Luciane doesn't have contact nor does she care for her biological mother. She wants nothing to do with her and her mother is on the same side. That's why Luciane has always clinged to her father so much. She craved love that would usually be given by 2 people from a single person, but Lynn was able to manage it, which made her adore him even further.

Ill describe the different steps of post-Marigold. (Kinda sounds like we're talking about an apocalypse, haha)

Early beginning: Luciane was already a little weirded out when Marigold and her father started talking more than Lynn did with any other teacher. She was still pretty okay with it, it's good that her father was finally making some friends!

When they DID started dating, it was around the time where Luciane had begun closing herself off from majority of the people in her life and hanging around her friends more.

Somewhat middle: Luciane absolutely HATED Marigold. It's basically a pretty drastic change very quickly, and she does overreact as a teenager. She thought that Marigold will start taking Lynn's time all to herself, worst of all maybe even trying to be a mother to Luciane. Marigold Ofcourse did try to be nice and get along with Luce, but im pretty sure it's obvious how good that goes.

A year later, The two get married. Luciane's hate mellows out a bit. She's had time to get used to Marigold and she could tell Lynn really loved his wife. But that didn't really stop her from ranting to her father about his own wife (please help him he is under DISTRESS). But yay to the other teachers, because Luciane actually listens to Marigold! Somewhat atleast. So if Lynn is not available, they'll call up Marigold instead. Even though the success of that heavily depends on Luciane's mood that day.

When she's around 17, close to finishing school, she accepts Marigold. She's still a bit akward around her, but does wish to see her as her mother in some way. They still have a LOT to go through, but atleast Lynn doesn't have to pray anymore anytime Luciane comes into his office.

I mostly went into Luciane's feelings, haha. But for some insight on the parents: im sure both of them were upset to some degree over Luciane not accepting her mother. And Lynn was definitely under stress during that time.

I hope that explained some things!!

So, when Shiloh still went to SSB, Luciane was still around 5-6 years old. So they didn't really have a reason to interact with one another.

BUT, they do interact when Shiloh is an adult! Im gonna do 2 versions of him.

- shy : this is the version that gets along the most with Luciane, because they both greatly benefit from eachother. Shy can post about Luciane (mostly just reffered to as "little sister", and barely ever is a picture shown. Even then the face is blurred out), giving him more people that like and follow him. In return, Shiloh can take her out to go shopping and generally buy her stuff, Which obviously Luciane enjoys greatly. Lynn takes Luciane to see him during summer break and occasionally during the holidays, if they're not too busy.

- "normal Shiloh" (acts the same way he did in high school): Luciane feels pretty akward around him. She can't really tell wether or not he should have value to her, and she can tell that majority of what he says is not what he thinks. She mostly just does her best to avoid him.

Luciane can handle the asshole versions of shiloh better than the normal ones, haha.

Though the relationship does change when Luciane isn't a teenager anymore. She gets more busy with her life, so she doesn't have a lot of time for Shy, but they do stay in contact. Multiple years of benefiting each other can make you close, no?

With "normal" shiloh, it most likely stays the same. She's not as akward around him, but still has better things to do than talk with him.

_

It was a pretty long talk, but i sincerely enjoy speaking about Her! As i said, I've been working on her lore for MONTHS, so i have quite a bit to say. I really enjoyed it tho, thank you for the ask <3

[lorriiraine]

Little life / fandom update

Pretty quiet here…. And I need to talk to you all.

I feel exhausted.

I don’t have motivation left to write or to edit. Or to take photos in HL. And the reason is just as stupid as it’s sad.

I won’t say any names nor detailed situation since I am so over this sick thing and don’t want to flame up the whole case again, for my own wellbeing.

Back in June something happened that shattered my trust. I got pushed between two sides I never wanted to be between in. I got asked for my opinions and got blamed for them. Chats were shared around, asking others for their opinion in combination with talking bad about them. Which is a very bitchy and toxic move, pulling more and more people into the situation and childish fight.

I trusted and it got shattered. I just wanted to stay in my tiny bubble, share my MCs and their stories, get to know other people MCs and wanted to be happy. But it all got smashed by the feeling that people want to crush you, stomp you out. If you think I’m overreacting, spent some hours in my head and with my thoughts. Walk in my shoes and you will see what I mean.

Anyway.

I don’t want to accept that my journey here is over so quickly. Also I don’t want to leave. But I feel like opening the game and creating content has became a burden to me right now. Also to write my fanfictions that I loved so so much.

I can’t stay in contact with friends, got myself completely into the shadows and disappeared from discord, TikTok and Instagram. And here I am also more like a shadow.

Around me was just hate, victim blaming and back-talking. And it affected me completely, made my bubble explode. I didn’t felt save anymore, just trusted my closest friends and got sceptical by everyone who contacted me in that period for the first time. I just wanted to have peace and got pulled between argumentations and problems I never wanted to be part of. Got blamed for my honest opinions that were wanted.

And here I am now. Feeling guilty for my own decisions and opinions to keep my mind free and safe from stupid shit.

I didn’t want to let people ruin my fandom bubble ever again and still it happened again. I didn’t want to let people get under my skin and still it happened again.

I love everyone I’ve met in the fandom so so much and I will not leave you all behind, nor will I stop with content forever. I just need some more time to relax and sort my thought.

And even that feels like a lie.

It started with the last fandom I was in the exact same way after my work got stolen and overpainted over and over again.

„Im just taking a break“ „I am still exhausted“ „I’ll come back soon“ and I never did.

So here a little sidenote for those who think to mess with other people life’s: not only you are struggling in real life. Others do too, maybe even worse as you, maybe not. So keep your toxic behaviour out of their life when they’re not part of your issues with something / someone. You can ruin their lives too. Also gaslighting is a bad habbit that will do more harm than help to you.

I WILL come back, I want to come back! To come back and post, to create and to laugh with you all again.

I have planned to recreate the Hogtober prompt list this year, seeing how my editing skills changed over the year. I WANT to tell Alistairs and Lorys stories! I want to share their life’s so so bad.

But right now it feels like I am not wanted anymore. No one told me that, no one shares openly hate against me but since I dissapeared for almost 2 months my sick brain made me thinking that no one even care about me, what I say or what I do. I am working on this.

Also my private life is a mess right now. I stay in bed most of the time, have more downs than ups and I am hating myself for this. I want to create, I want to be there. But I can’t.

I am so so sorry if someone of my lovely bbys got hurt by my lack of contact. I will always love you, hope you know that ♥️♥️

Keep an eye out here, on TikTok and Instagram to get any updates.

Stay safe out there, protect your bubble and passions as good as you can.

Lots of love,

Lory 🧡

[11queensupreme11]

My day absolutely sucked today! Firstly my hair looked like ass than NONE of my friends in my class were there so I was a loner is my classes than I had this dutch test (I'm Dutch) but we only had 30 minutes and I really needed to do good because on my last Dutch test i had a 4,8/10. Than I had pysichs (don't know how to spell it) and that felled like 5 hours (thank god for my AirPods. I also goth two grades back both 5,5/10 for the pre exams thing I told you about. BUT my mother is really strict in my school so everything under a 6/10 she sees as failed so I was really scared to tell her about it and also the other two subject I really failed.

Than like a hour ago my mom finds out about my my grades and she got really mad (like you always got good grades when you were younger!) and than my dad also got mad so I cried (in my room hell no I'm gonna cry in front of people) and tomorrow I have another test and I'm scared to fail that one.

And the thing that gets me mad about that is that I'm almost always top of my class but they don't care about that no they only care when I do one bad thing so now if I get a bad grade myself I don't even care about it I just get scared how they will react. And than they tell because I'm so "privileged" they will take away things like my phone and tv.

Sorry for the vent I just wanted to tell all this to people I don't really know and stuff you don't have to post this I don't really care but if you do post it please tell me if I'm overreacting on the last part

you definitely were NOT overreacting in the last part. it honestly seems like ur being pressured by your parents tbh, im so sorry

also, i HATE IT when parents pull the "you always got good grades when you were a younger" bs ughhhhh

there is a VERY big difference between coursework when you were a lil kid and coursework when ur in high school or college (im assuming ur in high school?)

OF COURSE the stuff you're learning is gonna get harder as you move up a grade, OF COURSE, ur grades aren't gonna be the same as it was when you were a lil kid, WE WERE DOING BASIC MATH AND HAD LIKE, FOUR FUCKING SUBJECTS TO FOCUS ON unlike now where our math now has letters and we got 6+ subjects to study and do assignments for (on top of working or other extracurriculars we got).

it irks me so much when they start comparing your school performance from when you were a kid, cuz like duh?? ofc things are gonna change, use ur brain dumbo!!!

i am so sorry that ur stressing out over ur exams and the fact that ur parents aren't making things easier.... i hope this week passes smoothly for you and you can take a break from everything soon 💖

[ruifictiveapproved]

tw gr00ming(?) under cut

okay i hate coming to the internet for help but my autistic ass cant tell if this is weird behavior or im overreacting but whatever it is im uncomfortable

i blurred their name for privacy but im so uncomfortable and dont know what to do is this normal or??